For Shankar’s Weekly | September 2, 1973
The dramatic break-through, achieved recently by our rainologists (rain makers) has created a number of problems for our government. It just goes to show that scientific progress is not an unmixed blessing. Let me explain first the achievement. It is best done in the words of the famous rainologist, Dr. Badal Narayanan. I recently interviewed him and he modestly explained thus:
“Well, you see, our rainologists have been working in this area, under the guidance of our beloved national leaders since 1885, when the Indian National Congress was set up. In the last two decades we tried the usual method of seeding rain clouds with sodium, but without any real success. The break-through came just by accident, as so often happens in science. I was reading Kalidasa's "Meghdoot," and in a jiffy the realisation came, that like everything else in this world, the ancient Indians knew all about rain making also. The clues were all there in the book. We immediately followed up this new line of research, and success came our way when we studied the era of Akbar, and the famous legend of Tansen. You remember how Tani had sung the Malhar raag to bring rain and cool the fevered brain of Tansen. Therein lay the magic and mystery of rainmaking.
Instead of going up in an aeroplane, and seeding clouds with silly sodium, we took the best woman classical singer up into the clouds. The moment she sang – Bariso-re, Bariso-re – the clouds began to cry! Dr. J. C. Bose proved that trees can talk. We have demonstrated that clouds have feeling.
No doubt, this is quite an expensive method particularly since Tanis are not born every day. We have tried playing taped recordings, but unfortunately the clouds find out that it is not the real thing. Perhaps the Department of Rainology will have to form a regular cadre of singing women, as we now anticipate a large-scale demand for rain making, from all parts of the country."
Dr. Badal Narayanan claimed that after the famous solar cooker, brought out by the National Physical Laboratory in the early 50s, this was the greatest event in Indian science. He demanded that on the lines of the ICAR, an Indian Council of Rainology Research (ICRR) should be immediately set up, to give a fillip to this discovery. He proudly indicated that recently the U.P. Government had requested his services for producing rain over the Rihand Dam catchment area. The Department was ready to tackle this national emergency, but unfortunately the woman singer had severe cold. As to the future, the good doctor predicted that by the end of the Sixth Five Year Plan, every Indian shall be able to ring up the local office of the Department of Rainology, and order a shower for his front lawn.
Dr Badal Narayanan's revelations have created a politically explosive situation in the country. All States are determined to corner as many clouds as possible. In fact, a number of states have already issued notifications under the Essential Commodities Act, to ban inter-State movement of clouds.
A lucrative trade in smuggled clouds, is springing up along many State borders, and piper-cubs of the local flying clubs are being used, to tow away clouds across state borders. Tension has reached such high point that some states have deployed their flying squads to resist such acts of robbery.
Some of the state governments have located and taken into service the best classical woman singers, as without them rain making is not possible.
The Union Government is seriously concerned and the Ministry of Rainology (Department of Cloud Affairs), have drawn up a note for the Cabinet, proposing that under Entry 33 of the Concurrent List of the Constitution, cloud should be declared a national asset. As for the singers, they should be brought on an All India cadre, if possible, by immediate special recruitment into the IAS, in order to stop the current scramble for their services. It is to be hoped that the Monsoon Session of Parliament will resolve this matter of the clouds.
Unfortunately, the implications of this problem are not entirely internal. A crisis situation has developed in our relations with Bangladesh, on account of this discovery by our scientists. Maulana Bhashani has declared in Dacca, that monsoon clouds should be immediately declared a national asset, and not allowed to cross over to India. He has alleged that, in the matter of clouds, as in the case of fish, the Indians are exploiting Bangladesh, and has called upon all volunteers of his party, to man the borders, to prevent the smuggling of even the tiniest fluff of cloud. The Government of Bangladesh has reiterated in vain that they have a surplus of clouds, and unless they let them go, the resulting rainfall is likely to cover the whole nation, under 5.95 ft. of water. The Maulana, however, is adamant, and has bluntly declared that it is better to drown, than to allow the perfidious Indians, the use of our clouds.
The Union Government is looking for a silver lining in the menacing clouds piled up on the political horizon.
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